On Choices. Or, Finally Making the Right OneĀ 

Holy shit, it’s been a minute. 

In keeping with my super reliable nature, I got caught up in life things and kind of forgot about my strict and passionate vow to myself to WRITE. EVERY. DAY. Every day, K, no matter what else is going on in your life which will probably be nothing because you lead a shockingly boring existence that is occasionally peppered with exciting new snacks consumed while lying down in sweatpants (see previous post re: love of sweatpants and their extreme positive effect on my life) that have been washed maybe (definitely) never. 

Every day sort of (totally) turned into I WILL DO IT TOMORROW SHUT UP SUBCONSCIOUS WRITER VOICE, and then all of a sudden I got married. 

Well, not completely “all of a sudden”. Moe and I planned it for about a month. Actually, Moe nodded while I changed my mind 39 times. We (Moe) decided to forego a $6000 trip to Jamaica on the somewhat reasonable grounds that we are a) not millionaires and b) WE HATED THE LAST TRIP WE WENT ON AND THIS IS THE SAME ONE BUT WAY MORE EXPENSIVE, K!!! 

So instead, I graciously agreed to something a little more low key and affordable, and we went to city hall and got married in exactly 12 minutes and then had a party at our tiny house which involved a classy dinner and also drinking mezcal straight out of the bottle and finding red vomit in my bathtub the next day and a dear friend informing me that he threw up but don’t worry, it was mostly liquid and definitely on my neighbours’ lawn. 

The weekend was perfect, without any overly wedding-y things, and Moe even wore his ring for about 4 hours before he promptly and sternly informed me that left handed men who work in busy kitchens cannot wear rings, which resulted in our first married fight wherein I informed him that annulments have been sought on lesser grounds and one of the main goals of marriage for me is that everyone knows he is married and that I basically own him now but not in a weird or obsessive sort of way just in a way that eases my own self-esteem and insecurity issues. Relax, I apologized after. I think. 

I hate mentioning being married before when I mention being married now. I feel like it somehow lessens this new part of our life by comparing it with an old part of my life. But I’m going to mention it anyways, because I think that it’s still important. As seen by many bad pieces of wall art and tattoos on Smug Hipsters, life is meant to be like an arrow. Always going forward, no looking back, don’t hang on to the past, etc etc blah blah blah. For the most part, I agree with this, partially because we don’t have much choice. Life does keep moving forward, and it does drag us with it. But our pasts, I think, need to be sort of respected and feared. Sure, you can try to forget about things, or bury them, or just pretend they didn’t happen. But then, when you are least expecting it, your past sneaks up behind you and punches you in the back of the head aggressively and reminds you that Hey, I’m still here! All your mistakes, still watching you, waiting for you to fall back on me again!

So I’ve made a promise to myself this time. I won’t forget about the mistakes I made in my last relationship. But I also won’t let them define this one. I’ve promised myself that I’ll be a better person, which is easy for me these days, because I married the best person I know. 

I have also promised myself that I will not eat cake more than once a week, will no longer Google search the end of movies while Moe and I are halfway through watching them and then whisper what is going to happen in a dramatic manner while after insisting I didn’t think you could hear me!, and will definitely, for SURE, stop throwing Tupperware in the garbage because it is not free nor is it meant to be disposable and there are people in this world like my mother who would be appalled by such behaviour and part of a being a better person is recognizing that you can just put it in your purse at work and wash it when you get home. 

Sensitivity Disclaimer : I am entitled to mock arrow tattoos because I have 2 Chinese characters tattooed on my body which I am pretty certain are not only super outdated but are also some really insensitive form of cultural appropriation and I should definitely look into getting them covered up.